Thursday, October 20, 2011

"WHY AM I SO DIFFERENT THAN EVERYONE ELSE?"


This question haunted me for years, starting in the 8th grade, when I
heard my own Mother say, “She’s just so different than my other kids.
I don’t really understand her.”  I lived out the next 10 years or so
thinking that being “different” must be a bad thing.  So, I did what
most people would do.  I faked being the ’same’.  If I was with the
athletic crowd, I would pretend to actually care about the football
stats of the last game.  If I was around the party crowd, I would
become the rebel, drinking not for the disgusting taste, but for the
cool image it seemed to portray, putting my life in danger over and
over.  If I was with a group of ‘haters’, I would hate.  If I was at
church camp, I loved everyone.
I didn’t allow myself to know or be my true self, because I didn’t
want to be different.  I didn’t want to feel like an outsider all the
time.  I became a perfectionist in everything, in order to fit in, and
stand out.  But this resulted in me never really enjoying being the
head cheerleader, or being inducted into the National Honor Society,
or getting the highest honors in all my music events. I would be so
stressed out, it would all go by in a daze, and it held no meaning
whatsoever. I would prove myself over and over again, but never felt
good enough to truly ‘fit in.’
This would carry over into my relationships as well.  I would date
boys that wanted me, not boys I would necessarily choose for myself.
I would be friends with whoever was willing that day.  I never felt
like I got the choice.  I never gave myself the choice.
I wish I could tell you this feeling of being different goes away. But
honestly, for many of us,  it doesn’t.  Life continues to be a game of
FINDING YOUR PEOPLE.  However, as I got older, I realized being
different was actually a great compliment!  Looking back, of course I
wasn’t the ’same’ as everyone else around me.  I was an Artist.  I
dreamed of writing songs and melodies all day.  I could spend hours
playing the piano and the rest of the world would go away. It was so
easy, and playing basketball was SO NOT!  I didn’t know anyone else
like me in my small little Kansas farm town.  If I did, I may never
have taken the risk to leave there, and find MY people.  But,
thankfully, being different lead me to Nashville and eventually Los
Angeles, where almost every person I met in the music industry was
just like me, and gradually my dreams of being a well known songwriter
became a reality.
In the meantime, while you’re looking for your people, or waiting for
the day when you can go find them, I want you to keep this important
thought in mind.
Everyone, at their core, is essentially the same.  We all feel fear.
We all feel love. And all of us react out of one or the other, in
every moment.  The one most common need in every human being is the
“need to be understood.”  Do your best this week to find at least one
person, and make an effort to understand them, to really know them,
and learn what they may be going through, how they’re truly feeling,
or what they dream about in life.  You may just find out that you’re
more the ’same’ than you realize.  And give yourself permission to
believe the things that make you different is a gift that will play a
big part in your life one day, if it’s not already.
written by Trina Harmon,
Transformational Coach, Speaker, Author, Songwriter

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